November 25, 2017

The Holidays, Re-Revisited

Turtleneck–thrifted. Booties and Skirt–Target. Tights–Walgreens. Car Coat–Michael Kors.

WYSLTWRT: Gabriel Garzon-Montano “Crawl”

Three years ago–the first time I ever did a holiday post–I put together the literal worst and most comical outfit this website has ever seen, passed it off as acceptable for a family occasion (and, while veteran readers know me to be an advocate for self expression by whatever means, if you are over twelve and wear white knee high socks I WILL unfairly and unabashedly label you as a suspicious character) and pretended, as a junior in high school, to know what it was like to be a college student “paying $30,000 a year to learn MORE about something I’m already an expert at.”

The year before last, in my most recent holiday post, I had short black hair, wore exclusively black and tan, and claimed I could fit a number of pies in a faux leather bag that, in all honesty, held nothing then and holds nothing now. I don’t even know where that thing is.

WELL, just to MiX ThInGs uP,,, I have for you a NEW and IMPROVED Thanksgiving outfit riddled with–you guessed it–almost exclusively black and tan!!!!

But WAIT FOR IT, Y’ALL: this time, my hair is SLIGHTLY LONGER and SLIGHTLY LIGHTER, my tuition is $60,000, and my major DOESN’T EXIST OR HOLD MERIT IN CONVENTIONAL PROFESSIONAL CIRCLES!

This is, of course, all for you.

Humor aside, I bought my first (and only, for a while) high-end coat, and I very much so like it. This post will consist primarily of me making you look at it and tell me that it is nice and that I have made a good decision. Please comply and compliment my coat choice. It also wouldn’t hurt if you complimented my hair.

Thank you.

My biggest inspiration for the turtleneck/camel coat combo was that I wanted to look like that one guy at university who dresses really well but has terrible taste in generally everything else and will subsequently break your heart over the fact that you don’t match his aesthetic and don’t collect enough vinyls that are of his liking. Probably British, or at least feigns an accent. Smokes a lot. Kind of gangly and child-like and not conventionally attractive in an adult way, but gosh darn it, does he sure have his wardrobe together. The type to wear those Doc Martens platform Oxfords everyday because he “found them” at a flea market in Brisbane on a study abroad trip. Owns a beret, but wears it exclusively for pictures.

Yeah. Like a toned down version of that guy.

Glasses–Toms. Hair–me, with color help from Regis.

Before getting my hair re-dyed, I almost always wore it up. It was too blond, too yellow, too brassy. An hour in the mall chatting about life-changing trips to China and secret Vietnamese gay bars with my stylist Ferlan led to this beautiful, confusingly ashy-chocolate color. Thank ya, Ferlan. You will never fail me.

This coat was expensive. It took a good chunk of my paycheck, some help from mom (thank ya momma), and a continuous shluffing on and off of coat after coat. Finally, Michael Kors (as I should have known) eventually won on the runway, and I left with the coat in my arms and my hair in the air from the static of wool blends and cotton.

I knew that I wanted my coat to be free of belts, hoods, and big collars, and that it should be sturdy without being bulky. I hadn’t considered the length or color before my actual search, but the car coat is very (how do the kids say it?) in. Hip. With-it. I can see myself carrying this coat for years into my (probably cringe-inducing) adulthood, and there’s something really comforting about the idea of the two of us together through all of that. While that seems lame, I still haven’t been disappointed by the last time I romanticized a piece of outerwear.

So, until further notice, it’s me and Michael Kors. Project Runway for life.

When I get stressed, and I have been very stressed lately, I tend to go all out with my makeup. here, I have a mix of ColourPop and NAKED eyeshadows, mixing gold, copper, brown, and tan. I also added liquid liner, just to make myself feel better.

I had on lipstick earlier, but it went full a through a full day of wear and I felt as though the look would be a bit more raw if I didn’t reapply. So, while everything else is to the nines, my lips are just wearing some lip balm and the cold air.

I feel like a dumbass in this picture, but my hair looks good.

OH AND BEFORE I FORGET: I have been listening to people crapping on the turtleneck for the better half of three years and I AM HERE TODAY TO TELL YOU THAT IF YOU DO NOT LIKE TURTLENECKS that of course we can still be friends BUT I WILL RESPECT YOU A LITTLE LESS because turtlenecks are beautiful inventions of style and warmth and safety and if you give me a turtleneck for ANY REASON we will be BEST FRIENDS.

That being said, it’s lookbook time.